Dilema

Need my own place, need my own shelter
I've come this far just to realize my scars.
You've held me high, too high I won't come down
You tried to erase my pain, my tears
Thinking of a coward I point myself
a battle inside, no more courage
You accepting while I'm drowning in my own thoughts, dilema
Too afraid to having, and to let go
Where's the power I have all this time?
I'm pointing a zero in my heart, not brain
Hard to believe and to see, that's what they say
and I'm having a fight, versus myself, here in my head.

The City of Angel

This place where I walk, where I live

The air I breath everyday, the water I drink

This is the city of Angel

I love the stranger, I like how the glance they do to each other 

The sound they make, the sound of emptiness

growls in the sky, birds are all falling, crows

cries of the children, who plead their mothers to stay

leaves are falling, this is the dark Fall we walk

steps from the past, got me tangled 

where's the rain I asked, which wash me up from this sins

The city of Angle, let the night falls

listen to the melody, translate them to your language, understand them

betrays and hates fills you lungs, hard to breath

Why is this happening to us?

The place where we hang, each others dreams.

Innocent mind

Step by step they're making their own destination
walking on their path, with litanies on their shoulders
living up the dreams they had from the childhood
getting conflict with mortals, moaning over their fate
the burden gets more burdensome everyday
then the troubles came
some tries to cover them up
some, runs away
some, takes them easy and jump,
reaching what they have to reach,
irritates the innocent mind..

I'm tired hearing all of your repines, just, shut up, and walk.

The oxygen of living

I walk a hundred miles just to seek the truth
passing the shattered souls along the way
brings up all those old memories
of what we fought, with doubt
of what we love, with no logic
some of them dried up, just like plums
become a dust, blown by the wind

now somehow the pictures fills my head
the picture of the Eden we used to live
the pictures of a paper boat, floating under the moonlight
the whisper that flows with the wind
the love that fills the air
fills my nose, my throat, my lungs
it feels alive now..

Alpha and Omega

Despite the horror of today, I'm a new man, a new beginning, a new alpha
longing of the past rings me up, as an alarm for a new day
dream of something beautiful never hurts
ask for more, give all yours, bring all the fresh things


Until now, I'm standing here, alone
looking upon the people around me
how they act, how they speak, how they think, how they see the different things
acceptance and the denies, that's all what they can pick
some heart are closed, tight closed
well, some are opened, the happiness are spread between 


It's been too long to look on others 
I'm getting tired, I closed my eyes
my grip's catching a mirror
here I go, seeing my own reflection now
try to understand what's in me, myself
trying to finish things on my own
trying to be my own omega

Smile

Leave the pain, leave the pain
weather you're alone or with someone
put a smile instead
rip you frown and throw it away

A New Hello

It's today, the day where we're waiting for
the time where you got to let me go, free
every preparations that I've been through
this is the time when  I pay it back


Stepping on the cold floor, bare feet
I see the sun peeks out of the curiosity from my window
smells of toasts from downstairs
I glare my suitcases a little, and go down


Good morning world, here I am
ready to fight my dream and make my own destiny, history
even if this is a goodbye for you, it's a new hello for the new me
no more stumbling on the old things
here's my new opportunity, it comes and goes, and give me changes, 
one more time


Hours ticking, the loves send me to the place where I could go
hands are waving, tears dropping to their cheeks,
as I walk, I smile, thinking of the new page I'll turn
no doubt I place my mind and heart to the new place


unfamiliar and cold, 
but I'm sure as the time goes by, 
it'll get warmer in no time



___
I got the inspiration from my sister.

False Move

there is a story about this girl, full of dreams and passions..
about how she falls without dropping her tears
about how she gets separated from the social and still strong
all about her strengths inside her


she makes people around her happy and satisfy
that goes on in her mind were like a fantasy, it was a magic


as she were stumbled and kneel
there where she founds Adam's breed
and the chemical things in her body started to dance, like crazy
afraid of getting rejected, the boundaries are coming
bound the dreams, the future


pretending to be strong
she falls, again
laughter comes and goes
cheapen glares from the corners
black shadows swallowed her pride
now her world slowly turns upside down 
the world making fun of her


she's now crossing her fingers and start to pray..
wish, the world revolved backwards  

A human definition

what do people praise, above them all, are usually their own kinds
not Gods nor Goddess, not them with no power nor rights
the puny and poor human, with their common sense upside down

they thought the see the bare things, while eyes are too heavy to open
they insist that they hear the truth, while ears are tight shut
they sure they speak the right things, while throat are covered by filth they speak

what do we know? the truth?
where is the truth? is there any truth out there?

we act like we're smart whereas this brain's only a completer of our body
deny, distrust each other
try to find some eligible things to exchange
then keep what is actually we don't need
we steal from each other, and no
we don't share, we never share

and a last, we disappear under self proud, satisfied

Unspoken goodbye

when you are already at the end of the road

wind pass by, just like that, doesn't care 

and when you try to see clearly, the people you know

who are you thought the place you can rely on, leaving you

the pain that doesn't carried, feels like it fell on you

when your throat feels numb and your lips are dry

can't even scream for help, such a pain

they're leaving, they're leaving, they're leaving

nothing you can do

is it so hard to say goodbye?

A love messenger

knock, knock, I'm a messenger, a love messenger

I'm sneaking in, to see you

sprinkle the love that I should send to you

long time no see, it's been a while

should I wake you up?

Or perhaps, kiss you to wake you up, like the fairytale we used to read

I wonder, do you miss me?

Do you even think of me? Remember me?

...

it's okay, I'm on my way out,

in the dark, I step on a paper,

.....

'....can't find a word what to say to you, I'm sorry, it's been a while since we're met and talk to each other, it's been a while since we read our book, it's been a whi....'

....

can't endure my tears, my trembling hands, 

my legs turn direction, to a sleeping angel right there,

I don't have time to wake you up and ask for a permission to kiss you

...

; )

A normal condition

Walking in a wet road,

I can see my footprints behind me,

in bloods

the shouts in my heads, screams, cries, so loud, I couldn't control them by myself

pass by old memories of this soil

flashbacks come and go

children cries, no ideas what the hell happen
teenager cries, try to defend their loves
adults cries, on their knees, begging to the abstract heart, so cold

Grey clouds coming, all eyes are open
they see what they used not to see,
try to control their courage,
thinking about to embrace all the weak one,
and fly away

Let the wings that used to be broken heal
let the wings that used to be dirty, shaken so the dirts are all gone
white and healthy, like it used to be
like it used to be
let the peace be over the war
like it used to be

When I'm not there

While I'm here

standing right behind you

with my palms against your back

waiting for the right time

to catch you when you fall

to push you when you get to far behind

Now, you know me

as a person that gives her live away

sweeping a thousand smiles, just like that

I'm up here now

wishing you a happiness and luck

wishing that you won't fall or left

even when I'm not around

I can see the world are giving me signs

when you're glancing at me

tears that can't be held when you whisper your prays

in your room, crying secretly

feel numb outside and pain inside, alone

When I'm not there.. when I'm not there..by your side...

Old days

Every seconds, minutes, hours you past

every moment, and emotions

everything you say

every little thing you do

they are what you are  made of

peeled aside the reality 

leave nothing, but pain

When the sorrow comes

and you're lack of balance

no one to embrace, no one give a damn

you're crying, behind your sleeves

the restless youth

your, restless youth, been wasted

No turning back

regrets are all over you

only resignation and hope left

give it your all

even when others are starting to step

no hard feeling

no envy

Hold tight, and step forward

Empty

When you got things in your mind

and you wonder how to get it out,

would you spend your time

and spit it out to me?

I keep looking for the right time,

till the moon comes out

and time freeze me, 

I got goosebumps, and my feeling's not well

I plead to nothing, 

I tell stories to the wind,

feels so empty,

nobody around, again..

keeping my imaginary friend by my side,

no warmth, no comfort, no satisfaction

without you, without you,

I keep telling it's okay, 

without you around..

Until now, you never know

it's a lie.

New change

what were the things you hid?

what were the things you said?

show me show me

show me show me

show me show me

the little things are important

tell me tell me

tell me tell me

tell me tell me

the time we shouldn't forgotten

now had forgotten 

would you give a change?

would you take the risk?

of loving me..?

Broken Dreams

I'm giving in, I'm giving all my love

I'm going to catch my dreams, my passion

it's not a goodbye yet

we'll see each other again

I don't know when precisely 

here, or other places, or even in other world

Days by days

the butterflies are randomly fliying

I jump so up high to catch them

and, when I got them

their flies are all remains

broken flies

broken dreams

I'm empty

Makes me wonder

how it feels like.

I pray every night

asking for the right one.

Everybody seems so happy

stressed at the same time.

They have something to wait for

something they don't know, bad or good.

But, their life's colored,

pink, red, blue, yellow, green, purple..

I'm still the same as I was,

black and white everywhere..

They said to me to not waste my time,

they didn't knew how I like my days,

until someday, they break, no empty space to color,

and I.. still have mine

The secrets

It's like a feather, blown away cause of winds
I go, without knowing direction, wandering
What's going on in my mind they ask
Through the air or through the land


Voices that calling me,
smothering me, asking me to come back. 
Hands that holding me,
somehow getting weaker


I'll put through my life for searching
some of them say it's not worth it,
but I do the best for it,
to find, the truth, to know the secrets.


Then, I go, again, wandering,
through the time limits, 
now I found the secrets, that no one knew,
I just wish to be vanish, so I can be the only who know.

A ripped poem

I'm saving it, it's hidden.
I'm treasuring it, it's save.
No one will be given.
Until it'll forced to take.


Some of the lost pain are inside.
While the rest still undercover.
When you still want it to be divide.
I'll take a luck from my clover.


My friend, it's all about you.
The paths you've walked, it's behind you.
I know what's the most of you is true.
I'm so sorry when I feel the most of blue.


You gave me the inspire.
Hold me up high, high up to the sky.
You hold my hands, take me out of my grave.
And then I finally realized, of my dreams and how to fight.